SEGA’s Tokyo Joypolis centre in Japan are playing host to a Special Sonic 20th Anniversary Exhibition event.  The Official website is written in funny text and Google can’t translate as the funny text is embedded in the images.

This calls for some Official NotUKR Translation, after all we can’t very well have a Sonic 20th Anniversary event and not report on what FUN everyone in Japan will be having!

The Event runs from 11th of June to 10th of July and will celebrate Sonic’s birthday on 23rd of June.  Something with previous Sonic games not including Sonic 2, Sonic stickers and Sonic Generations will be happening on the 5th Floor.  Look, there’s Saturn Sonic 3D with music by Richard Jacques!*

The reason Old Sonic is trapped inside a CRT PC Monitor is quite frankly beyond us but we think New Sonic is relishing in the fact, look at that nasty smile.

*Unconfirmed at this stage whether Richard will be there in person to perform live.

There will be bags of Sonic swag for everyone turning up and tubs of something exotic called “Dippin’ Dots”, more info on those HERE.  We also scanned that Barcode so more on that later!

This is visitor information regarding toilet facilities, disabled access and used Schoolgirl panties vending machines.  It’s possible the “SEGA Wee Game” will be involved on the 3rd Floor.

There’s almost TOO MUCH FUN so we need to sit down for a bit before carrying on.  Let’s have a look at the map while we rest.

It’s a Shop! And it’s full of SEGA and Sonic goodies!  Head to the 3rd Floor and look for “JP Gear”.  If you do get lost then just follow the steady stream of laughing, happy Children.

Facilities also include an in-house Joypolis Medical Centre where you can tell Dr Sonic about that nasty rash on your penis end.  It doesn’t have a floor marked so you’ll need to ask, use the international sign language for “Penis End Itch”.

Treatment may involve placing said angry penis in more Dippin’ Dots.

Head to the 5th Floor for one of those SEGA Photo booths, don’t get too carried away and try and manoeuvre yourself so it looks like Sonic is tickling your testicles with his spines.

The cheapest flight to Tokyo we could find was nearly 900 pounds, there’s no way of generating that kind of money these days and it would probably be a flight with livestock anyway.


We scanned the Barcode with the office HTC Desire and downloaded a program from someone called Hatena Inc, it was free.  We pressed the Top button and were asked to register all our personal details.  It didn’t look very SEGA so didn’t bother.

Registering your personal details on the Internet these days is practically inviting all the psychopaths round your house for tea and cake.

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  1. I also do not like the way Modern Sonic seems to be keeping Real Sonic underneath his thumb. It’s demoralizing.

  2. By the way, it would almost be worth it to see Dr. Sonic about my penis itch, but until they spell it “JoyOpolis”, I’m boycotting.

  3. Indeed, the way it’s currently spelled it makes me think it’s the Joy-Police.
    Whether they’re enforcing or outlawing I can’t tell so I’d rather not take the risk.

  4. I think I got penis itch from the used panties probably

  5. Joypolice, I would say due to colour palette choices and the overused cameos of Sonic as well as being an ass myself most of the time, I assume they are enforcing joy.
    Any offenders not having fun or engaged in joyous acts will be apprehended and made to spend time in the Sony waterboarding station until joy is restored.

  6. Definitely enforcing joy, and the younger the joy the better. As long as the joy is 13 or older.

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