Grab your helmets, heroin and lice powder because War has officially been declared between NOTUKR and Ubisoft/The Frag Dolls.  Hannah, quick, install a red flashing light and a siren in the office and dig a big trench in the garden too.  Then go and make everyone a nice cup of tea.

 

Any credibility this website may have built up has been dashed on the rocks because of this “context amendment“, are you happy now Ubisoft?  Happy to crush the pathetic bad humoured mentalists that seek to destroy the very things you hold dear?

Reasons to NOT like Ubisoft:

  • Call Of Juarez: The Cartel
  • Ghost Recon Online
  • Ghost Recon Future Soldier
  • Anything with Ghost Recon in the title
  • Thousands of Tom Clancy games
  • The Far Cry series
  • The entire Driver series (apart from the first Reflections one)
  • Just Dance 1
  • Just Dance 2
  • Just Dance 3
  • All those CSI games
  • All those Imagine…games like Imagine Fashion Party
  • All those language training things, THEY’RE NOT EVEN BLOODY GAMES!
  • They used that StarForce copy protection stuff that screwed up PCs.
  • In the face of negative reviews they then refused to provide games for review

Reasons to like Ubisoft:

  • Child Of Eden

The ratio of about a million bad to one good is clearly not good enough and Ubisoft is officially declared “Not Something You Should Like”.  Ubisoft published Child Of Eden but that’s like saying the Nazis made the trains run on time, and Ubisoft definitely didn’t try hard enough to promote it either so there’s another reason War is declared.

Reasons to NOT like The Frag Dolls:

  • They’re an entirely fabricated “Girl Gamer Clan”
  • They have silly names
  • The reason they exist is to promote Ubisoft and NOT “Girl Gaming”
  • They’re an entirely fabricated “Girl Gamer Clan”
  • They have a video of a cadette shooting hand guns and semi-automatic rifles which is abhorrent because we’re English and don’t like that sort of thing
  • They like an enormous amount of FPS’s which KILLED any creativity in the Video Games industry
  • They’re an entirely fabricated “Girl Gamer Clan”
  • They’re a cynical marketing tool
Reasons to like The Frag Dolls:
  • They’re polite in their correspondence (which is a big like in this day and age)
To not like the Frag Dolls is inviting attack from those that do, but considering those that do are mostly retarded male sex-starved American FPS Hardcore clan people it doesn’t really matter.
Next Week: Probably something nice about OutRun 2 to calm everyone down

Post to Twitter

24 Responses to “** EMERGENCY UPDATE ** SET THE DEFCON THING TO NUMBER ONE BECAUSE WE’RE NOW AT WAR!”

  1. *RAISES SWORD*

    YOU HAVE MY STEEL!

  2. I’m in, up until the police get involved.

  3. Yeah, lets go protest or something by not buying their games..except I like Splinter Cell, thats rather good, and Assassins Creeds is ok, and the Anno games, and From Dust, and TrackMania and Rainbow Six 3 was good, and beyond good and evil. Prince of Persia games are rather good, and Rayman.

    Other then that I’m in

  4. As a real female gamer (yes really) I hereby put forward a plan of attack, I will dress up like one of them. sneak into the building (which will not be hard as most men in the games industry think all woman look alike) and then throw small golden rings all over the office while simultaneously kicking the front in on any monitor or TV I come across, during the madness that will undoubtedly ensue, I will spin dash the CEO right in the nuts and make my escape via a hand glider on the roof.

  5. I better cancel my preorder copy of Tom Clancy’s Modern Bollocks 3 then.

  6. wars on these matters should be more commonplace.

  7. Other reasons you missed:

    * They FUCKED UP the Splinter Cell franchise with Splinter Cell: Conviction
    * They FUCKED UP the Prince of Persia franchise with the 2008 SHIT Reboot
    * They FUCKED UP the Beyond Good and Evil sequel.

    er….thats it!

    And now prepare FOR BATTLE. QUBEC is OURS you understand, OURS damn it!

  8. ubisoft would fucking crush you and the frag dolls would too, you cunt

  9. This is just a hunch, but I’m willing to wager that captaincunt, in real life, is a massive twat?

  10. yeah right of course, just because i said ubisoft would fuck up this sack of shit site. you don’t realise the community spirit behind all those fps’s you apparently hate. good luck with your fucking war

    • Yet, for a site you describe as being ‘a sack of shit’ you still felt the need to visit it again?

      Also, you’ve missed the point completely, but as you’re a Ubi/frag fan, this is hardly surprising.

  11. Tch. Typical, my internet goes down and war break out?
    Still, glad I was there at the beginning for the opening salvo across their bows.
    Which will no doubt be taken to be a euphemism of some kind.

    For the record, there’s a handy list of games to be boycotted/burnet/left gathering dust on the shelf here. Pick out the truly great games from that 10+ page list and see if it takes you more than 2 hands to count them.

    I guess this means I can’t play Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood now? Oh well, shouldn’t be too tricky, I’ve succesfully avoided it so far.
    What about if I borrow it from a friend or buy a pre-owned copy?
    That’s ok then, isn’t it?
    Not only are you not giving money to ubi for it then, you’re giving it to someone else, which will wind them up even more than piracy, which they were utterly crap at combating anyway (and probably caused more people to turn to piracy as a result of their efforts).

  12. Oh my. Ubisoft, ever heard of the Streisand Effect?

  13. Other than giving the Call of Duty hardcore something to crack one off to, what exactly is the point of the ‘Frag Dolls’?

  14. “The Streisand Effect”, had to google that one, very appropriate.

  15. They exist so that the industry isn’t just dominated by pale looking spotty nerd boys. Can’t you just accept that and move on with your lives? if it was up to you you’d have everyone connected with games just being all grey and boring.

  16. Oi! I’m not spotty. Well, not any more…

    (P.S. They exist as part of Ubisoft’s marketing strategy. If they didn’t help to shift units, they’d would not exist at all. After all, it can’t hurt the profit margins to get the other 50% of humanity to play your shitty games, eh?)

  17. Also, see Rieko Kodama and Carol Shaw as good examples of positive female involvement in Video Games. I can’t think of any others but I’m sure there are more.

  18. That’s it! It’s War!

  19. I suggest this as the war’s official theme song:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiYuq6Ac3a0

  20. Looks like Ubisoft are trying to infiltrate and demoralise the ranks in the form of captaincunt. It could be that it just doesn’t really have a sense of humour. Either way why visit a site you hate? I am confused, why put the effort it? Honestly? I don’t get it myself.

Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

(required)

(required)