Probably, once someone in the licensing department gets wind of Sonic being somewhere that hasn’t been approved.  The 87MB 2 act demo of Emerald Hill might still be available **LINK REMOVED DUE TO SONIC 2 HD HAVING SOME KIND OF VIRUS**, try it and see.

If it’s not then bad luck because it’s actually rather good and looks lovely.  Could happily take dozens of screenshots of Sonic balancing on the edge of a platform, spending all morning doing so.  And then getting all grumpy later on when deciding which ones are the best to use and not being able to choose.

Thanks to Phorenzik from THESE MEN.

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So says the subject line of the incoming email with requested attached images.  But yes, we do want to please “sex woman” in whatever way feels comfortable and doesn’t involve too much talking or skillful physical stimulation.

“Oh hi there, Captain Whoops.  I didn’t notice me come in.  Here are the pictures of the upright Daytona USA cabinet, as promised.  Taken in Cork airport 2 weeks ago, I managed to not attract the attention of security by causing a diversionary fire in another part of the building.”

“There were actually two Daytona USA machines, the other a single player sit-down.  Unfortunately, it had no serial number and as I approached it first, I hadn’t yet summoned the courage to take a picture of it (I was literally off the plane just 4 minutes, which as you know if the most vulnerable period in any man’s life).”

“After touring the building, seeing the upright and ‘going’ for it, on my second pass there were children pretending to play the sit-down cab and I decided to abandon it in favour of not being tagged a PAEDO with a SICK interest in taking SNAPS of arcade CABS.”

“Pictures are in jpg as that is all my camera takes, meaning even ultra fine pictures are still on the ‘Shite’ scale.  That’s all there is to that.  I just pray your use of the serial number isn’t anything to do with the international white slavery/prostitution trade.  I’ve got enough on my plate at the moment.  Yours faithfully, Dick Socrates.”

Images 1 and 2 are for the SEGA Arcade Cabinet Serial Numbers wall in the office, you won’t appreciate them so you can have image 3.  That’s the image the world can have.

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Does he know about that sensational figure-hugging blue dress?  What about those suspiciously clean white pants that seem one size too small?  Please don’t say no-one ever mentioned to Akira that Kasumi has the World’s Most Wonderful Breasts?

Dead Or Alive 5 with Virtua Fighter’s Akira: A new Dead Or Alive game that isn’t focussed solely on Females lounging around wearing very tight and slightly see-through bikinis or underwear.  It’s once again OK to be seen buying a DOA game under the pretence that you like fighting games and are in anyway good at them.

And not for the real reason, which probably has something to do with Vaginas.  You’ll have bought or most likely stolen the other non-fighting DOA games from the Internet anyway.

Yes, you did.

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Well you’d probably need to as well if you were 2 Video Game Legends involved in making a downloadable version of The World’s Greatest Thinking Man’s Fighting game.  And yes before you ask, according to Wikipedia AM2 still exists as  “a seperate division within SEGA.”  Which is probably nice.

39 days into the new year before anything official from SEGA is worth re-uploading to the Internet and isn’t about various London 2012 Olympics games, or yet more news about “exciting digital opportunities in the mobile arena.”

Not much opportunity these days to have “AM2” and “Virtua Fighter” in the same sentence so you take what you can get and be grudgingly thankful.  Maybe that Hori Xbox 360 Arcade joystick we spent all the accumulated birthday money on isn’t going to be left unused in a box after all.

They’re happy in themselves, they’ve been together for roughly twenty years doing what they know.  That’s a long time to put up with someone’s unique and irritating foibles at work without having to go quietly to HR to complain.

If you’re the type of person that can put up with an awfully insincere and slightly condescending American dubbing then the full Youtube video is HERE.

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Karl from Terrier Games fame has a Sonic Compilation out at the moment.  It’s a bit like the Sonic Gems Collection for the Nintendo GameCube but is much better because it doesn’t “ship” with Sonic the Fighters.  One of the games includes Cream The Rabbit as a playable character, which should be enough motivation for most of you.

“I am enclosing a sort of package of all 3 Sonic games I have made, since the really old ones nearly got lost after a serious harddrive crash. There’s a wee teaser in there for a new Sonic game, too.

“I don’t know if this might constitute ‘news’ but I figure that the majority of people who actually enjoyed my Sonic games also read NotUKR.”

All 3 of you can download The Sonic Compilation HERE, bear in mind it’s a hefty 16MB so you may want to review your computer system and available internet bandwidth allocation before attempting the download.

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Let’s get this out of the way, hopefully no-one is watching on a Sunday afternoon.  The people at Arcade Otaku say you can re-download OutRun Online Arcade if you’ve previously purchased it on Xbox Live and then for some cunt-ish reason deleted it.  It’s roughly 350MB so it won’t have been because of hard-drive space issues.

“Want to know what happened to me?  Well I ended up with an old VW Golf 1.6 and the fading memories of our time spent together humming to Shiny World and singing along to Night Flight with the biggest smiles on our faces.”

“It doesn’t seem appropriate to do that any more.”

This week:  Sony!  Sonic!  Real Woman Cleavage!

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Still gone…Might have to go out for more tissues soon because of all the crying and definitely not because of all the personal fiddling, plenty of socks still left in the draw for that.  Might also get a twix, or a twix multipack depending on what the local shop has in stock.  Comfort eating really does help when reliving all those precious memories.

“I kept telling you that “I’m in a race against my rivals, you notice those other sports cars?  Yes, those.  Those are my rivals and I’m racing against them” and that I wasn’t going fast or power-sliding around corners specifically to show off.  If we’d been driving to the shops this sort of speed or manoeuvre wouldn’t have been an issue would it?”

“The best way to drive past a lorry on a major arterial road is to slipstream the lorry thereby allowing a greater overtaking speed.  I’ve told you this, how many times have I told you this?  I’m not doing this on purpose just to upset you.”

“Remember when I traded in the open top and you didn’t listen to me when I said the roof couldn’t be removed on the new car?  Well that minor little detail didn’t stop you insisting I pull over and remove the roof on 4 occasions.  FOUR FUCKING OCCASIONS,  IT DOESN’T COME OFF.  THE ROOF CAN’T BE REMOVED. ”

“We were on the way back home after shopping and I’d specifically asked you to check the light bulb socket type we needed for one of the kitchen lights and you said it was the “screw-in kind.”  You were positive it was the screw-in kind.  Well it wasn’t, it was a double contact B22d bayonet mount and I had to drive all the way back to the supermarket in town to exchange it.”

“I only wanted to stop for a few minutes to look at the massive tree with the road built through it and you whined on about that.  I mean look at it for goodness sake!  It’s a fantastically huge tree with a road through it, we’re going to be driving THROUGH a tree any minute!  Doesn’t that make you think “wow, that is actually amazing!”.  No, it clearly doesn’t.”

Tomorrow:  Final day of the cherished OutRun Online Arcade memories week, thankfully.

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OutRun Online Arcade has been removed from the Xbox Live Arcade shop, you can still download a trial but what’s the point in that?  It’s gone forever, or until some sort of licensing miracle is put in place again.  All that’s left to do is to pick over the precious carcass of memories and attempt to get through the rest of January without self-harming.

“Do you remember you wanted us to stop at the beach for some sunbathing and you left the  beach towels on the side in the hotel didn’t you?  Then what happened?  I had to drive all the way back into town to get them and all the way back to the beach and when we got there it was packed full of screaming children and fat lumpy women.”

“How about the time you ordered me pull over to ask for directions when I told you I knew where we were going?  I knew where we were going because the most difficult navigational decision I needed to make was whether to go left or right at the pre-designated branching points.  But you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“You remember this place don’t you?  We stopped for lunch on a Sunday and had that conversation about you wanting to have a baby.  Not about wanting a baby specifically with me but that you “want a baby and if you don’t want one then you’ll have to decide what you want out of this relationship”.  That was a fun day out.”

“What about the time you kept moaning on at me because I didn’t have a blanket in the car for the mountain drive and that, actually, owning a sports car was incredibly vain and “obvious.”  Well it didn’t seem to be a problem when you were telling all your awful braying friends the type of car I owned.  In fact, you went out of your way to make sure they all knew it was a “red one that goes fast and has an open top.”

“You wanted to stop here because it was a “statue” and you wanted to see it because apparently I never take to you see anything cultural.  Then I found out your best friend had been there a year earlier and the only reason you wanted to see it was so you could say you’d been there too.  You can’t even remember what the place was called can you other than it had a “nice little Sushi restaurant”?  Go on, try and remember what the place was called.”

Tomorrow: More wonderful OutRun Online Arcade memories.

 

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Who says this website is above copying and pasting official press releases?  You don’t have to answer, it was a rhetorical question.  The release date of today for Sonic CD was thrown out onto The Internet yesterday so here we go in the largest font that WordPress seems to allow.

LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO — 13th December, 2011 —SEGA® Europe Ltd. and SEGA® of America, Inc. today announced that fan favourite Sonic CD™ will be released on multiple platforms from tomorrow. Relive the story of the 1993 original, which sees Dr. Eggman again, attempting to take control of time by stealing the Time Stones from Little Planet. Sonic must speed through levels and travel through time whilst fending off Eggman’s robots to recover the Time Stones and save the smitten young hedgehog, Amy Rose.

One of GamesRadar’s top 100 games of all time, the revamped version of this popular title will include the original Japanese and US soundtracks as requested by the fans, and, for the first time, the ability to play the game as Sonic’s best friend Tails, unlockable by clearing the game for the first time. Sonic CD also features the first appearance of Metal Sonic, one of Sonic’s most enduring nemesis.

“Sonic’s 20th Anniversary has been a banner year for him – as well as for everyone at SEGA,” said Haruki Satomi, Senior Vice President of Digital Business at SEGA of America. “Gamers around the world are rediscovering their love of Sonic through his adventures, new and old. Whether you’re a long-time hedgehog aficionado looking to enjoy a favorite moment from Sonic’s past, or a brand-new player who wants to join in on the fun, there’s no better place to start than with one of Sonic’s most celebrated games, Sonic CD.”

Sonic CD will be available tomorrow for the following platforms: Xbox LIVE® Arcade for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft (400 MSP), the PlayStation®Network for £3.59/ €4.49 and iPhone®, iPod® touch, iPad® for £2.99. Sonic CD will be released on the PlayStation®Network  in America on 20th December and  the Android and Windows Phone in the New Year.

For more information on Sonic CD, please visit www.sega.com/soniccd

Sonic CD

Now you’d better go and rub your eyes for a bit and then download Sonic CD on whatever device you have and it’s available for.  So that means Xbox 360 and iOS devices.  In the meantime everyone else can just go and fuck themselves, which is nice.

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Hannah, put those old plain digestives away and break open the Penguin biscuits!  Come on now, arrange them nicely on one of the good plates.  We’re celebrating a fragile armistice between Ubisoft and NOTUKR due to Rayman Origins, however once we’re bored of it we’ll go back to DEFCON 1.  After all, they’ve got a Just Dance internet telly channel which needs addressing.

Rayman Origins is wonderful and that statement is purely based on the demo, just think what’s going to happen when we get the full boxed version.  Uncomfortable erections all round!

And yes, it’s a “boxed retail” game and not a 5 quid download-only title that lasts about an hour.  It’s a platform game and although platform games have enjoyed a resurgence of late due to the various download channels available, most have all been rubbish based on poncy graphics.

These graphics on the other hand have been made by poncy French people, if you’re going to have poncy stuff then it’s best left to the French because they do it best.

The last 2 screenshots are of the side-scrolling shooting levels, they could have made the whole game from these levels alone and it would still be amazing.  Look, it’s a giant chilli sitting in a bowl!  You have to shoot the cunt in the face though so there’s still potential for The Daily Mail to get all annoyed about the portrayal of violence in video games.

It’s released this Friday so you can save up all your unemployment benefit and blow it all on one great big wonderful colourful game.  The music is barmy as well.

There’s this one bit which has some giant worm things chasing you and you have to get the swimming bit right and then some platforming stuff correct otherwise they’ll get you!

Thanks to Phorenzik over at Rose Tinted Gamers for pointing this one out as it would’ve been ignored, war has a tendency to cloud the judgement.

Tomorrow:  Something about Gamesmaster because it’s all we’ve been watching lately.

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