From across the pond far away comes news of a covert SEGA marketing campaign for Dreamcast2.  They’re so clever those marketing people at SEGA and not at all thick and stupid!  You don’t fool us, a hardware press conference is imminent plus launch line-up.

“Hello again, NUKR. I have more swirls from the States.”

“This was from a mini golf course in the New Roc City complex in New Rochelle, NY. I apologize for the picture quality, but it was one of those ‘glow-in-the-dark’ courses, and my phone has a really shitty camera.  These aren’t swirls, but I was at a go-kart track later on, and I saw a few arcade units they left nearby to distract the kids for long enough to keep them from trying to jump over the barrier. Needless to say, they were pretty worn looking.”

“This is Outrunners. The lights behind Player 2’s ‘Checkpoint’ sign have gone out. I didn’t get a chance to play it to see if the controls worked.”

“And this is Cruis’n USA. This one was kind of neat because I had never seen the deluxe version in person before.”

“Unfortunately, the screen was really messed up. It was doing that weird thing that happens when the contrast on a CRT screen is way too high, and the colours stretch across it and make it difficult to see what’s happening. I didn’t get to play this one either, but I did see a father and daughter play it later on, and it seemed to work fine for them.  Keep fighting the good fight. Cheers.

– CaptFlushing (Zachary)”

You’d take blurry pictures too if you were also masturbating.

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Pretty sure that’s how to describe Ludovico Einaudi’s music, isn’t it?  Not to get too personal but his music is quite emotive, made the whole office cry when we watched This Is England and that piano tune came on when the little boy throws his flag in the sea.  Tech Support Hannah even ran out of hankies.

“Morning Captain…[alt+tab]…Whoops,

I was at Trafalgar Square last Sunday for this BT River of Music festival thingy(I went for the free sunlight, the free music was a nice bonus. I jest, of course! I went for Einaudi and the free sunlight was a bonus). As if seeing Einaudi live wasn’t enough, one of his guys started playing a tambourine thing and I noticed the Mighty Swirl of Dreamcast in the centre of said tambourine thing.

I hunted for my phone to take a photo but figured it’d pop up on the internet soon enough.

And it did.  Enjoy!

– Bilal”

Bilal earns 50 NOTUKR Gold Rings for his find, which unfortunately has been significantly devalued of late.  Blame the money markets.

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Not our words but probably something that might be said from the wonderfully-named Zachary Rippe in his current residence of NYC New York City, United States of America.

“Hello, NOTUKR.  While I was on the bus, I realized that the logo for Time Warner Cable (a TV company over here in the States) has a swirl in it that reminded me of UK:R. Then I remembered that they no longer exist. Then, when I got home, I discovered that you were a thing, which made me happy.”

“I’ve attached a picture of their logo to this e-mail, along with an edited version so that the one other US reader can more easily identify it.”

“Keep fighting the good fight.  Cheers,

– Zachary, NYC”

Word to you Zachary, Word to you indeed.

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Well, official in that every so often if they happen across something SEGA-like in Japan they may take some photographs and after about 3 weeks remember to “report in.”  On this occasional you may also think we’re having a laugh upon unveiling Japan James, another Man called James who sends in SEGA things.

“Dear Things,  Now, living in Japan you would expect to see a lot of dreamcast symbols.  I mean, for instance just use googlefu for なると.  However, on the morning commute to work, reading on my VMU like phone, about how the Vita sales were at an all time low, this particular image stood out.”

“Maybe it was the combination of swirls and alcohol (calorie free beer by the looks of it).  Maybe I thought they were having a good time that made me think back on those DC times.  Fact is, I took a picture, actually I took 3 and the commuters were probably looking at me more funny than usual.”

“They are baby swirls but whatever ^_^  Kind regards,  James.”

For including some Japanese writing, mention of a Dreamcast VMU and also one of those emoticon smiley face things that’s a bit Japanese, Japan James earns himself roughly 11 feet of A4 paper printouts of NOTUKRESISTANCE Special Ring Reward Points.

Plus the love and adulation of millions of Dreamcast Swirl fans.

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Happy times ahead as CHRISTMAS IS A HAPPY TIME.  It’s also time for Uncle David’s annual Christmas private-parts-touch-up game, it works like roulette except “landing on red” is mostly about finding a much younger family member on their own somewhere.

Apparently Fijit is a purple robot that jigs along to music and interacts by uttering phrases and jokes – “Take my robot mother-in-law…”

Figit: The World’s first children’s toy electronically programmed to recite 1970’s British comedian jokes.  And possibly xenophobic hyperbole about “too many Eastern Europeans over here stealing our jobs.”  Its mate behind is the raving racist of the batch.

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In the mid to late Nineties you wouldn’t have caught SEGA frittering all their available budget on “Marketing” companies or “Branding” agencies.  They simply ordered in copies of “Sonic The Comic” and poured over the Pixel Zone feature looking for inspiration.  A Man called James sent in a scan from issue 96 which was published in February of 1997.

“Dear internet,  Here is a scan from the Sonic comic book, issue number 96.”

“Reader Thomas Hargreaves from Oxfordshire has drawn a few spirals and suchlike.”

“End message.”

** OPEN PLEA TO THOMAS HARGREAVES OF OXFORDSHIRE **

Thomas, get in touch as we’d like to ask you a few questions.  We’ll forgo the usual banter about “what are you up to these days?” and get straight to the point, how much money and/or how many 13 year old Japanese girls did SEGA give you for designing the Dreamcast Swirl?

Also, are you still using exclamation marks in inappropriate places?

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Wiley SEGA show true business acumen with this deal and also their intention to exist forever by purchasing new headquarters freehold.  When SEGA throw that moving in party we’re sure to be on the invite list.  Can’t wait for free-play Outrun 2 and all that Tesco’s Finest sparkling white wine!

Submitter AJ W talks us all through the latest SEGA acquisition with far more knowledge and expert opinion than the average “Foxtons” agent could ever muster.

“Whilst out and about in London I noticed some covert swirls lurking on the metalwork, there seem to be a good variety of swirl and counter swirls on there”.

“I then noticed the for sale sign and instantly ( well a few days later) did some research and discovered it’s one room showroom and it’s sold. ”

“I can only conclude that SEGA Europe is going to move out of the few rooms it clings onto in that big skyscraper in South London, and move to somewhere a bit more manageable and honest in it’s old age. With the swirly gates, all they’d need is a dreamcast demo stand in there and they’d be set!”

The new HQ includes “ORIGINAL FEATURES THROUGHOUT” which, quite frankly, will come as a relief to the staff.  Situated in what is described as “a vibrant central London area with history and appeal all of its own” despite Computer Exchange being just around the corner.

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It’s comforting to know that people think they can email in any old nonsense and we’ll link to it or put it up on the Internet if it’s vaguely SEGA-like.  Comforting because it’s true and reader DreamcastRIP is fully aware of this.

“I saw this swirl picture via the wonders of Google image search on this trashy tattoo/hipster site and thought I’d send it in.  In light of this it would be ever so wonderful if you could post it up on your website with a series of sarcastic comments.”

A “series”?  Only usually manage one per image and they’re really not funny at the best of times.  How about we say something along the lines of we’d like to see the Swirls tattooed on her buttocks instead and a few 2592 x 1936 “bent over” photos sent in.

There’s no sarcasm here, we really would like to see her bent over and defiled.

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Let’s all forget about last weeks shameful attempt to cover E3 and move on to the real reason why 6 pounds was spent on setting up this website in the first place.

A man called SegaMon has sent in SEGA Dreamcast Swirls images AND a Sonic Sighting all the way from the United States of America, proving we’ve “broken America.”  Placed the full stop within the quotation marks in that last sentence to make SegaMon feel at home.

“Dear Not UK Resistance,

I am not in the UK. That’s okay. Sega spread to the far away land called the United States of America too. However, Sega couldn’t find people to give away enough free Dreamcasts to. What did Sega do with the extra ones?”

“Evidently they used them to power air conditioner units.”

Going to take a punt here but that looks suspiciously like a 1998 WeatherKing SEER Heat Pump.

“Sega also tried to advertise the Dreamcast on snack trays. The tactic didn’t work.”

“Lastly, Sonic was found out in public. I’m sure he was embarrassed by his public appearance. He was so humble that he chose an ice cream truck to make his appearance. Hope you like these pictures. Maybe these will be included in an update on the REAL UK Resistance? Nah…”

*Heavy Sigh* Sadly not SegaMon, sadly not.

Let’s zoom in on Sonic.  Is he crossing his legs in an effeminate way?  Probably, the Gaylord.

6 pounds?  We were robbed blind.

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Drinking during the day isn’t to be applauded and respected.  Alcoholism is a disease like any other and the poor lost soul who finds himself trapped in a daily routine of self destruction needs the love and support of those around him.  If those around are going through a similar routine then just think of it as a great big boozy support network.

Regular SEGA Swirl Soldier Mattbot has sent in this Swirls Update, presumably whilst looking for some “fruit juice”.

“Look, it’s a bar with SWIRLS!”

“They are of course they wrong colour. They are always the wrong colour. Which makes me sad but…. IT’S A BAR. I’m going in for a pint. And something stronger to help me feel better, before that Aldi sign depresses me even more.”

We’d join you Mattbot if we weren’t terrified of the “bar scene” and of human contact,  especially at 4pm.

“Great, it’s 4ish on Wednesday. Shut.”

“No access to the bar, so web site thievery must happen. There’s even a swirl over the bar.”

“We’ll finish on the Slippery Nipple Swirl.”

Assume that Mattbot had one of each then ran out on the bar tab and into that Aldi to hide.  Readers may attempt to locate where these pictures were taken as there’s plenty of information there.

Now have a folder on the office PC called “Swirls_Mattbot”.  All the others are dated in the “Swirls_YYYYMMDD” format.

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