It’s a special time, a time for the world to come together and put aside their petty differences and squabbles.  To fly the flag of unity, to embrace and love each other.  To slowly slide your hand expertly around the back and unclasp the rigid construct of oppression.

It’s not only an honour but a humbling privilege to watch highly trained athletes at the peak of physical condition locked in intense combat.  To admire from afar the sinewy, well-oiled and firm stomachs and buttocks of the World’s best.

Especially the Beach Volleyball, those wonderfully powerful thighs pumping hard beneath extremely tight bikinis.  Wanks will therefore be increased to an extra 2 a day to accommodate the Beach Volleyball Olympic schedule.

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A few years on, lots of stretchmarks, incessant personal life intrusion and tragedy, varying degrees of success in solo pop careers.  The Spice Girls are back together to do something probably involving money, we’d better get down to business then.

Wouldn’t, Wouldn’t, Wouldn’t, Would x 10, Wouldn’t.

We’ll wait for the inevitable Ubisoft Spice Girls Dancing game on the Wii U, followed by an accidental wrist shaving accident whilst lying in the bath.

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They’re very good at it, better than the British in so many ways.  But the question is what are the Japanese queuing for today?  Many choices and old favourites present themselves, like maybe a new console.

Or perhaps one of those “J-RPG” things where you run around and engage in very one-sided and repetitive conversation.

Oh, it’s “Pretend Schoolgirl Cleavage.”  So very glad things haven’t moved on very much since around 1995, there’s an order to the world and it shouldn’t change too much.

“NOW, LET ME PUSH MY PRETEND ERECT PENIS IN YOUR PRETEND HOT WET SLUT MOUTH.”

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SEGA Amusements is where the action is at, it’s these people and their associates that are literally LIVING THE DREAM*. There are 34 other image in this Facebook album, each image more depressing and less usable than the last.

There are images of them smiling with things, smiling at things, holding things, playing with things, pointing at things, looking at things, awarding people things, being awarded things, doing charity things and sitting on things.  We could go on until dinner time about all the things they’re being photographed doing.

*working in a distribution centre.

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Poor things eking out a living in a cruel, intolerant world.  A lonely and unloved existence surrounded by the deafening roar of an uncaring and ignorant society.  Reader Simon spotted this cowering little creature whilst off on some unspecified journey.

 “Hello Notukresistance,  I spotted this well wicked OutRun 2 arcade machine while waiting for a taxi to show up at Heathrow Airport Terminal 3.  It looked very sad and neglected.  I shooed 2 children away who were tugging at the steering wheels.”

“My girlfriend didn’t let me have a go, anyway I’m not great at racing games anyway.  I hope this helps you with your Sega fetish.  Goodbye for ever.  Simon.”

Airports are full of 2 types of people, those running away from utter misery or those returning to utter misery.  You could just live there, in the Airport.  Playing OutRun2, forever.

Extra NOTUKRESISTANCE Gold Reward Rings were available for shots of the serial number, bad luck Simon.  But thanks anyway!  You are now FRIEND.

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A Man has left SEGA Amusements after 33 years of selfless toil.  He was there during the heady days of SEGA Arcade Dominance.  He was there during the fall from grace.  He was then there to make sure UFO Catcher machines in defunct seaside towns were refilled in a timely manner.  If ever a Man needs his life story documenting it would be this Man right here.

Full devastating and tear-inducing story HERE.

UK:RESISTANCE favourite “Wonky Faced Sonic” was there to finger his anus one last precious time before waving goodbye.  Farewell Gamini, you were a Man among Men and also weird-faced things.

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We’re not very hip but hopefully not too square, possibly something in the middle like a nice oblong.  And why are we oblong?  Because a band who makes music and possibly plays their own instruments sent in a link to their SEGA inspired music video.

“Dear Captain Whoops,  Our new music video features a 10 second homage/rip off of the flying boss ‘babyface’ from Treasure’s seminal Dynamite Headdy.  Here’s the original:

“Here’s ours (about 44 seconds in):”

“We realise that the original possesses more character and has better music, but I thought it was worth a punt, we tried anyway.  Maybe if you get a rainy day and there’s not a lot else to post. I’ve got a picture of some Sonic shoes I found in Vietnam, I’ll send that too if you put the video up, we’ll do a deal.  Thanks for your time!

James
The Waxing Captors”

NOW WHERE IS THAT SONIC SHOES FROM VIETNAM IMAGE?!  Bet you’ve got loads of Sonic shoe pictures from all over the world, snapped “on tour.”  Plus girls you’ve had full sexual penetration with too.  Or boys, it could be boys AND girls.  We’re very aware these days.

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Tried to “make it” in the Video Games Industry as a games programmer, journalist/blogger or an independent retailer and failed miserably on all attempts? Don’t give up just yet.

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Help keep the confused Video Games world afloat by advertising the fact you can replace the internal CR2032 3v battery of a SEGA Saturn.

It all helps.

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But you can’t sum up this picture in a single word, you’ll need lots of other adjoining words to give it context.  The possibilities are limitless but they will all undoubtedly allude to some form of mental and personal breakdown.  Possibly involving a bitter divorce with protracted child custody hearings, and “Dress As A Video Game Character Day” isn’t going to help matters.

It’s as if there really is a God looking down and thought “that crap SEGA website needs a person suffering from severe mental trauma sat in a tractor thing wearing a Rat-faced Sonic costume.”  And then made it happen.  For us and for you.

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Reader Tim has surpassed all Inbox expectations at this time of year with 3 magnificent images of a Woman carrying a SEGA bag.  A SEGA bag probably filled with all sorts of terrifying Female accessories used inside, on and around the body.

“Hello Notukresistance,  in the summer I went to London Zoo and had a lovely time watching the animals pace up and down their tiny cages.  After all this excitement I went to London’s Tottenham Court Road to attempt to purchase a very cheap Nintendo 3DS, my thinking was that it should be about £50 by then.”

“But it wasn’t and I didn’t end up buying one.  However I did spy these people with a Sonic bag and a cheap looking Sonic hat.  I took some photos and then forgot I’d taken them.”

“So here they are after I cleared out my memory card and sortied through a load of photos, I don’t want these images any more so you can have them.  Bye bye, Tim.”

For sending in images of a SEGA bag being used in the Real World by a Woman with some rather pleasant legs Tim is awarded 125 NOTUKRESISTANCE Reader Submission Gold Rings, or 125 of whatever it is we’re giving away.

** SPECIAL WOMAN WITH SEGA BAG READER SUBMISSION COMPETITION **

Send in your erotic fiction about “those” legs and the SEGA bag.  Entries must be no longer than 250 words and need to include the words “penis”, “semen”, “rub”, “struggled” and the phrases “creamy thigh” and “damp socks.”  Email in if you really want to or just leave it in the comments section.

To get you going, here’s the interesting part of the image you should be concentrating on.

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